Monday, October 6th, 2008
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2:20 am - When Does It End And How Much Is It Worth?
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Time is the never ending motive. There is never enough time for everything and some how someone suffers. When does it end? Unfortunately there is no sure answer. How much is it worth to the person who suffers? When do they give up? How long does it take before we all have to make the choice if it is worth it or not. To love someone who is everything you ever wanted is the best thing in the world. Some how it seems that you aren't as valuable to that person as you thought, and when everyone else comes first It just plain hurts. Every persons imperfection is another persons perfection... Who really needs that? How long does it take to give in or give up? Which will succeed?
current mood:  pensive
current music: Not Ready To Make Nice - Dixie Chicks
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Sunday, July 13th, 2008
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12:57 pm - New Places To Be....
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We are moving into Kritta's parents house. They are giving it to her. It's very exciting. The house is very large and set up as two separate living quarters. Aaron and I are going to move in to half of the house and kritta and adam are going to live in the other half. It should be really nice. I can't wait! I'm so excited
current mood:  excited
current music: the sounds of stupid video games
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Saturday, July 5th, 2008
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1:58 am - Fourth of July
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Had a crazy fourth of July, but I officially have the first photo of Aaron and I together :) Plus some photos of his new car. You should see what is under the hood of it. I'm not telling.
To see images look under my user pics.
current mood:  content
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Tuesday, June 10th, 2008
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8:24 pm - I Hate Vomiting Drunk People!
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Last night was crazy. Too much alcohol and too much vomiting. It was the other people vomiting not me. I wasn't even drunk. I wish I could have gotten drunk, but someone had to deal with everyone breaking stuff and vomiting everywhere. Oh well. It was fun up until that point. Maybe next time people will know their own limits that would be nice.
current mood:  drained
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Friday, May 23rd, 2008
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9:39 am - Broken Cell Phone
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I dropped my cell phone in a cup of water last night and it does not work. I am going to get a new one after work. Please call my phone after 7PM eastern time so I can get the number in my phone. Otherwise you can message me on here with the number.
current mood:  touched
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Wednesday, May 21st, 2008
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11:32 am - Treading In Treacherous Waters
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Anxiety and stress are very hopeless and helpless feelings. The type of feelings that anyone would hate to be in any severe way. Lack of sleep topping that off makes it only worse. I feel like I'm falling and there is no one to catch me. Feelings of betrayl and loss makes it lonely. To say goodbye to everything and everyone isn't as easy as I remembered it being. Giving up from the beginning might have been easier, but the climb back up is usually worth it. We all have decisions to make and reasons why we make them. To make something right. To fix something that maybe shouldn't be fixed. Maybe it would be better off left broken. I never asked for the answer. I only wish I would have known years ago that I would be in this position. As it's said between a rock and a hard place, and I have no where to go. I'm stuck. If I asked you to take me away from all this; would you? Sometimes it's better to have never known. I just want to be certain of what I am doing. I need to know that it's the right choice. I may never know. It's like a running joke that really isn't funny. C'est la vie. Mon cherie, s'il vous plait sourire. I'm torn. I have no familiar characteristics. I'm hoping for the best but dreading that it will all be for the worst. I have no choice, I never do. I can never lose on my own terms. It's always on someone elses. When I was told that my biggest flaw was that I care to much about others and not enough about myself.... Maybe they were right. I've never found anything good out of any of this. Friendship has never seemed to terrible to me until now. The possibilities are out there but little are seen. I prefer the easy way out, but I don't know what that is. Do I stay or do I go? Do I shoot for the stars? Do I chase all my dreams? Or do I just settle like I have so many times before? The only way to know is to go for it. Maybe that's what this is all about; getting to the place that you are comfortable and happy. Money and things are nothing, but you need just enough to survive in a world like this. I'm dreaming that I had a chance to know you.... I think I may never.
current mood:  nervous
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Friday, May 16th, 2008
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3:21 pm - Happy Birthday
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Happy Birthday to me... Tomorrow is my birthday damn is time flying. My grandma is having a birthday party for me tonight and I'm going out drinking tomorrow. It seems like just yesterday I was sixteen now I'm turning twenty-three. Where the hell did the time go?!?!?!
current mood:  peaceful
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Monday, May 12th, 2008
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11:41 am - Working too much
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I'm working entirely too much before I leave here. I probably worked 100+ hours last week. I'm actually down to the point where I have to pay someone to help me finish things up. I'm down to 15 days before I leave to portland. On top of that I have an upcoming birthday which apparently my grandmother is throwing me a party on friday. No rest for the wicked LOL. Alright must get back to work.
current mood: content
current music: 3 doors down - when I'm gone
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Thursday, May 8th, 2008
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11:44 am - WoW
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Everything is coming so quickly. I had pretty much forgotten about my birthday coming up since I've been working so much and trying to get ready to me. Aaron reminded me about my birthday last night. I was like oh yea it is coming up huh. I'm supposed to go to dinner with my dad's family for my birthday then go out with my friends. We will see how that goes or if it happens. My birthday is only 10 days before I move. I tell you what time is flying and before I know it I'm going to be on a plane intransit to pdx.
current mood:  complacent
current music: pink - one that got away
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Friday, May 2nd, 2008
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9:29 am - The Countdown Is On!
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It is getting very close until I am in Portland. Only 25 days left to go... I'm excited to be back and see everyone. Fun times! Well thats pretty much all in the update department. I'm just trying to get everything done before I come back. Busy Busy.
current mood: excited
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Monday, April 28th, 2008
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12:48 pm - The Child
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"The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes and adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult.... The day the child forgives himself, he becomes wise." Alden Nowlan
current mood:  sleepy
current music: Less Than Jake - Rest of my life
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Thursday, April 24th, 2008
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1:30 pm
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My Personality
| | Neuroticism | | Extraversion | | Openness to Experience | | Agreeableness | | Conscientiousness | |
| You rarely get angry and it takes a lot to make you angry, however high levels of stress can lead to you feeling panic or confusion, but usually you cope with day to day pressures. You get overwhelmed by too much noise and commotion and do not like thrill-seeking activities. You enjoy a certain amount of debate or intellectual thought, but sometimes get bored with too much. You are tenderhearted and compassionate, feeling the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity, however you mostly assume that people are honest and fair, however you are wary and hold back from trusting people completely. You strive hard to achieve excellence. Your drive to be recognized as successful keeps you on track toward your lofty goals. You often have a strong sense of direction in life, but may sometimes be too single-minded and obsessed with your work.
| Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report.
The best UGG Boots. |
current mood:  bouncy
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Monday, April 21st, 2008
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10:04 am - YaY!
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I am really excited to be coming back to portland. I can't wait to get there. Only 36 more days to go! I can't wait to see everyone. I just don't look forward to the job hunt thing. ICK..... Oh well I suppose that is how it works though. I'm almost done going through all of my belongings so it shouldn't be so bad. I need to start shipping packages soon. The countdown has started! Hehe. Anyways..... I hope to see everyone as soon as I possibly can once I get in.
current mood:  chipper
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Wednesday, April 16th, 2008
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1:04 pm - Another Day Another Time
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No matter how hard you try to not to care it seems its impossible not to. Not that it is a bad thing to care. I just know that sometimes its not the best thing. I can replay the many times that me being me has gotten me hurt. I'm one of those people that would do anything for a friend. The problem is whether or not you let yourself get walked all over. I'm not sure if I have learned that lesson yet or not. In all counts I would hope I have.
Lonliness is a very empty feeling, and with out my cats to greet me when I come home it is a very dominant feeling. I suppose it makes me that much more ready to be in Portland though.
I have had to make what seemed like a simple choice, but now it doesn't seem so simple. When it comes down to going through every little thing you have acquired in your life and choose what you are going to keep and what you are not -- it becomes complicated. Its never simple. Doing it for a second time in ones life is very much draining. I'm not so sure I am even half way done and with only six weeks left to go I hope I can make it.
I suppose we all have to see what happens, and today it seems another day, another time. I just don't want to make the same mistake I made years ago and miss out on something that could be the best thing that's ever happened to me. So the choice is what it is and for many reasons but only one reason is a happy one.
The choice, not so simple.
Reasons and choices that were made in the past
Put us where we are today
Another day
Another time
Hopeful to have a chance
to fix the things
we've done in the past.
current mood:  melancholy
current music: Ani DiFranco
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Monday, April 14th, 2008
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1:14 pm - Plane ticket is bought
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Well my plane ticket has been purchased and I will be in portland on May 27th at 7:20pm. Just thought I would let you all know.
current mood: sleepy
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, March 12th, 2008
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10:47 am - Maybe October
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So my new goal for being back in portland is the middle to the end of October this year. I figured out that I can have easily $5000.00 saved up and that should be enough for the plane tickets for my kitties and my friend to fly here. Plus more than enough to drive out there. So we will see how it goes.
current mood:  thoughtful
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, March 6th, 2008
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12:52 pm - What do you say to taking chances?
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So by around this time next year I want to be in portland. That is the plan. Hopefully my friend doesn't fall through. She is supposed to fly back here. I am going to buy her a ticket. That way she can drive back to Portland with me. I am just going to start over. I will get rid of all of my furniture. Some of its worth something some of it is not. Other things I will just donate. I am going to come back with me my clothing and any necessities. Anything that hold memories that is worth hauling. So hopefully I will see all of you soon enough. Now for the money saving time.
And now the wonderful lyrics to the song I am listening to! Or not just a thought.
Don't know much about your life.
Don't know much about your world, but
Don't want to be alone tonight,
On this planet they call earth.
You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,
But what do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?
I just want to start again,
And maybe you could show me how to try,
And maybe you could take me in,
Somewhere underneath your skin?
What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
[Taking Chances lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?
And I had my heart beaten down,
But I always come back for more, yeah.
There’s nothing like love to pull you up,
When you’re laying down on the floor there.
So talk to me, talk to me,
Like lovers do.
Yeah walk with me, walk with me,
Like lovers do,
Like lovers do.
What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?
Don’t know much about your life
And I don’t know much about your world
current mood:  hopeful
current music: Celine Dion HEHE
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Friday, February 29th, 2008
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2:37 pm - A Long Busy Day
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I wasn't sure if anyone still reads these things or not, but I figured I would post in it and see what happens. My morning started at 6am and my day probably won't end until 4am tomorrow. Due to my regular job and then bartending until close tonight. Oh well who doesn't need the money right? I am very excited I get to go for my first test for my Motor vehicle damage appraisal License. I go on march 22nd. When I pass that I have to schedule the second exam which is a physical examination and appraisal of a vehicle. I think I'm really close to being ready for the second test too. It should be good. It is a very good opportunity for me. Lifes a little lonely these days. At least I have my friends =) . Well I should probably get back to work. I hope everyone is doing well. I miss you guys and love you all.
Someone emailed this too me and I liked it so here you guys go.
This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone,even if they don' t like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
MY NEW HAIRCUT!
current mood:  calm
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, November 12th, 2002
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12:34 am - No One
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Long Days
And lonely nights
Everything has gone wrong
And nothing seems right
With the darkest thoughts
Afraid to be alone
And this breaking heart
That whispers and moans
All my laughter
Filled with tears
And dying dreams
but...no one ever hears...
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Sunday, August 6th, 2000
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1:08 am - Silence.....
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Silence.......
Is everything we need
because no one will ever hear the falling of our tears
A hidden world soon appears and all that you fear
The ruins of a relationship is another scar yet to heal
You do not know why, you do not know how
This wound from long ago holds on to you now
You know already you can not undo what you did in the past
And if you can?t let go the pain will always last
and all you have left is the memory of the face
That was once everything of a certain time and place
Why is it that we destroy a world that we should hold so dear? How can we let it become what we call civilization? All it does is destroy everything that should be. It saddens me that I can not change it and that we keep making it worse.
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pixiefuel's journal